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Netflix and the Trash Digger
By Jeff | July 24, 2007
This story starts off with a wonderful little boy named Matthew. He’s a mess, but luckily for us, many of the messes are cleaned up with his help. Which brings me to a crazy thing that happened one day.
First, let me give a little background. There was a time when I worked on Saturdays. I would get off at 6 pm, which would give me about a day and a half off to spend with my family. I came home on one of those Saturdays not too long ago to a screaming son. Screaming. Do you know why he was screaming? Of course you don’t, but I’m about to tell you. Little Matthew was screaming because he wanted to go feed the ducks that somehow found their way to our apartment swimming pool. I have no idea how they got in because all the gates were locked. But I digress. (That was a joke, obviously, as they could have walked through the spaces between the bars or simply flown over.) So, Daddy comes to save the day, and we walk to the swimming pool to feed the ducks.
Next, after a quick detour to the apartment playground, we venture home to find that my wonderful wife has just finished cooking dinner. And it was fantasic, by the way. We finish eating, and lo and behold, our Netflix movie had come in the mail along with her Glamour magazine. Apparently, Glamour magazine is very protective of their issues and feel they should be collector’s items because it was wrapped up in this clear protective sleeve. So, in trying to be the good father and instill some responsibility in the young mind of my son, I asked him to help me throw away the trash. I grabbed the protective sleeve and gave my son some of the advertisements that were included and we discarded the items in our kitchen trash can. Like any proud father would do, I gave my son a High Five for his accomplishment!
Now, moving on to the next day, my wife and I took turns flipping channels, taking naps, checking out our MySpace pages, and watching boy play. Right before dinner, we cleaned up the kitchen a bit. Well, actually, I mostly kept Matthew out of Momma’s way while she cleaned the kitchen. Then when it came time to take the trash out, she emptied the grease from the frydaddy into the bag and the two men of the house took a trip to the apartment dumpster. Well, as day started to fade, we found the perfect time to pop in the Netflix DVD. Umm, wait a minute, where did the DVD go? After a few moments of arguments and accusations, my wife and I decided that it was in fact true that neither of us had touched the DVD since it came in the mail. With that in mind, it had to be around the couch somewhere. Nope. We shined a flashlight under it, we pulled the cushions off, (found one of Matthew’s green crayons which he was happy about) and pulled the couch out from the wall. No DVD was found. Now, it’s obvious, that either an evil Netflix fairy exists or that Matthew had done something with that package. But where did he put it?
Therefore, we allowed Sherlock Holmes and Watson to manifest themselves in our persons and began to look in the “usual” places. We looked under my recliner, under the hallway shelves, in the cabinets of the entertainment center, Matthew’s room, our room, the bathroom, the pantry, and even the crevices on each side of the washer and dryer. Nothing. Matthew, what did you do with the red movie? I guess we can file a claim and say it never came. But that would be lying. We can just say we lost it, because we had, and that’s not lying. Wait a minute. You don’t think Matthew threw it away with the other papers, do you? Like idiots, knowing I had already taken the trash out, we wander over to the kitchen trash to find only paper towels and a outer wrapper to a case of bottled water.
Well, guess what? What does a guy do when he’s stubborn and proud? Do I let go of my desire to find that movie so my neighbors don’t see me digging in the trash, or do I suck up my pride, knowing that movie is in the dumpster, and fulfill my sense of accomplishment by finding that lost movie? Oh, the HORROR! Well, you guessed it. It appears my neighbors will either have pity on me or feel embarrassed they live near me as they will probably assume that I have to dig through the dumpster to support my family.
How humiliating is this. Please, nobody drive by. There’s my trash bag and enough time has passed to allow the grease to make it’s way to the bottom. I’ve gone this far and I can’t turn back now. Oh my gosh, is that something red at the bottom. I think it is. I poke a hole in the bag with my index finger to reveal an unopened Netflix DVD package. Unbelievable! The only problem is that half of the package is bright red and the other half is dark red. I hold onto the non-greasy side and walk back to my building. My wife can’t believe it. We open it, wash it, and put it in the DVD player. Is it even going to work? Amazingly enough, we watched the whole movie without as much as a glitch. Hmm, maybe we should grease up a few more DVDs.
Topics: Netflix, father and son, trash digger |
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