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The Struggle Within
By Jeff | December 18, 2007
Photo from iVillage - Family Photo Gallery.
I’m going to take a small detour from my usual posts and my attempts at humor and entertaining. I want to tell you about a true story that touched me recently that, as a father, caused mixed feelings of joy and great pain.
Recently, I attended an office Christmas party thrown by the owners of my wife’s place of employment. It’s always fun and every once in a while there is that defining moment when it’s apparent someone has had a little too much to drink. Well, except for this year. We had the party during the week instead of the weekend to avoid such… uh, behavior. However, this is merely background info and really not the point of my story.
Besides moving the day from a weekend to a weekday, this defining moment (at least for me) was slightly different. The owners arrived late to this party. They were attending a wedding. A wedding being held in a hospital. A wedding that was pushed up because the bride’s father was diagnosed with a terminal disease (I think it was cancer, but I’m not sure.) A wedding that was to be officiated by the bride’s father since he was an ordained minister. A wedding that was a far cry from what the young girl dreamed of as she was growing up.
A story like this, especially when true, causes someone like me to think deeper about the moment even when I don’t have all the details. I couldn’t help but to wonder what the father was going through. I could sense his joy of being able to officiate and orchestrate the ceremonial transfer of title from baby girl to man’s wife. As the grandson of a pastor myself, I’ve grown to realize that the wedding of a minister’s daughter is a very special moment for the father-daughter relationship. It’s a joy that most father’s never experience. There is no doubt the young girl was more than proud to have her wedding in the hospital chapel so her dad could officiate it.
However, after further thought, I couldn’t help but be saddened by what I call the struggle within. The joy and pride that was felt by the father for being able to witness and officiate his daughter’s hand in marriage would eventually be replaced by sorrow and great pain that he was the reason his baby girl wasn’t getting married in a church. That she had no extravagant decorations. That she didn’t have a grand entrance or fancy wedding invitations. That there wasn’t a flower girl or a ring bearer. The illness of the father trumped the attention that would have normally been focused on the bride. I really don’t know and maybe she did have some or all of those things. My point is she didn’t exactly have the wedding that was originally planned.
Photo from Weddingbee.
I have no doubt that the girl greatly loved her father. I have no doubt the bride could have cared less about all the stuff considering the circumstances, but I know how I would have felt. I would have felt like a let my little girl down. I would have cursed my upbringing or bad decisions I had made growing up that may have caused the illness. I would have felt like I failed my precious child. My pride would have tried to hide my feelings so that I didn’t hurt my girl any more than I already had. And if I was able, there is no doubt I would have tried to hug her a little bit tighter during the father-daughter dance.
So as you “survive” the hustle and bustle of this holiday Christmas season, please take a moment to remember this family. I’m not sure how long this pastor is supposed to live, but if you could add him to your list of prayers I know the family would be more than appreciative. I apologize for not being as light-hearted as I usually am, but sometimes a story needs to be told. Thanks for taking the time for allowing me to share my thoughts.
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Topics: father-daughter, health, wedding, wedding stories |
December 18th, 2007 at 8:14 am
You’re killing me man…
December 18th, 2007 at 9:41 am
As the father of a baby girl and son of a pastor (who I lost too early to cancer), this story hits home for me. Reminds me to hug my kids a little more often and tell my wife I love her more too. Everyday is a gift, thanks for the reminder.
December 18th, 2007 at 11:27 am
Thanks Scott… I’m sorry for your loss… but it’s got to be great comfort for you and this family that there is a special place where they will feel no more pain…
I appreciate your comments greatly!
December 22nd, 2007 at 6:19 pm
You are right Jeff, we should never spare season like this for merry making though we should prioritize our love ones and show them our love early on. We never know.We should always be prepared because life is too short. We have lots of chances to show them but life is too short, better act now before its too late.
December 27th, 2007 at 10:18 pm
Thanks for your thoughts. Life is definitely too short which is why I chose mostly a humorous blog theme, but it’s good to change it up with a touching story sometimes.
Our thoughts are with this family.