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Sexy is as Sexy Does
By Jeff | February 12, 2008
- ThinkBox P.I. Investigates
- Assignment: Sexy Manly Men
- Case ID: I’m Too Sexy
- Case Closed
ThinkBox P.I. is on the case again after a week off due to the resignation of Coach Bobby Knight. Now it’s time to investigate this private investigator’s own sexiness. Really, it’s more about what makes a man sexy. Women are easy. Well, not all women are easy, I just mean that it’s easier to determine why a woman is sexy.
I know, I know. I know what you’re thinking. How could I even doubt my own sexiness? I mean seriously, look at my picture. However, I still must attempt to solve this mystery. What makes a man sexy? Why are some sexy, when others are not? It’s a question that needs to be answered. At least in my estimation, the ratio of sexy ladies compared to sexy men heavily favor the ladies.*
*Disclaimer - This opinion is extremely biased however, as ThinkBox P.I. (dramatic pause) loves the ladies.
There have been reports that symmetry correlates to a man’s attractiveness. I’m not so quick to agree with that. I mean, what if you are symmetrically ugly? What if you are equally ugly on both sides of your face? I don’t think symmetry is going to help you there.
Sense of humor is another characteristic that seems to appeal to the female contingency. Well, if that’s the case, then Checkmate. Game over. The ladies definitely love the ThinkBox. Then again, Carrot Top, Jeff Foxworthy, and Conan O’Brien make me laugh and I don’t seem to find anyone willing to use their names synonymous with being sexy. Maybe I’m wrong, or maybe they are just exceptions to the rule.
Then there’s wealth. Although, I truly think this only comes to play when two men are equally attractive and one has more money than the other. I seriously doubt that I would find very many who find The Donald (or Mr. Trump) very sexy. Yet, he seems to do very well with the ladies. I have to believe that wealth is simply a band-aid that women are willing to tolerate ugliness in order to live a life of comfort. So, I’m not really going to investigate this possibility. Plus, I’m not wealthy so this subject depresses me.
*singing - “Don’t worry be happy now… do do do do do do do do do do do do…”
One thing that is undeniable is the body. Obviously, a tone/ chiseled body is sexier than a beer gut or weenie body. Muscle mass is not a defining factor as frankly, Wolf of American Gladiators is pretty buff and tone but is repulsive to say the least. And his teeth are ridiculously white. That sounds crazy that I’m even ridiculing his superbly white teeth, but seriously dude. White is better than yellow or brown, but let’s get realistic! Nonetheless, an athletic or fit body does enhance one’s sex appeal.
“Ooooo, Look at my sexy body. I’m dead sexy, yeah!” The preceding can be said in the voice of Arnold Schwartzeneggar or Mike Myer’s ‘Fat Bastard’ character for maximum comedic effect. And I always prefer maximum comedic effect.
There are probably other countless items that could be listed depending on each woman’s personal preference, such as: good smile, chivalry, good manners, dress style, bad boy image, sexual prowess, etc. Each one probably just as important as another when discussing the issue on a one-to-one basis. But ultimately, if you combine the main topics that I mentioned it appears that you will find yourself in the presence of people such as Brad Pitt, Matt Damon, Tom Brady, Matthew Mcconaughey, and Tony Romo. All are wealthy, probably symmetrical, seem to have solid senses of humor, and have either athletic or tone bodies.
However, I do want to throw one more item to the list. And that’s timing. The reason I say this is that I believe these men have an ideal sex appeal time frame, if you will. There was a time when these people or others that are considered sexy were not quite so attractive and there will be another time in the future when it will fade as well. How else can you explain the yearly contest of People’s Sexiest Man Alive? If last year’s recipient is still alive then why doesn’t he keep his crown? Because of timing. Due to some major social event, romantic pairing, or movie role of one particular candidate, his stock rises or falls because of it. He isn’t necessarily any less sexy this year compared to last year, but for whatever reason someone “out-performed” him. It was just his time.
Luckily for ThinkBox P.I., the time is still now because ThinkBox loves the ladies and the ladies love him back. Boom Chicka Wow Wow!
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Topics: investigation spoofs, manly, sexiness, sexy men, thinkbox pi investigates |
February 13th, 2008 at 7:10 am
It sounds like it’s sleeting, but every time I turn on the outside light & look, nothings happening.
February 13th, 2008 at 12:28 pm
Make me laugh and you are sexy - the direct way to my bed or kitchen which ever you prefer.
Susanne F’s last blog post..Tomato Apple Jam with Chili
February 13th, 2008 at 12:42 pm
@Court:
Okay, that is obviously spam but the comment was kind of funny compared to this post so I still approved it.
@Susanne:
Wow! So you go the sense of humor route. Thanks for supporting the class clown. Actually, I am a little hungry… LOL
February 13th, 2008 at 4:38 pm
I’m so confused by all of this. I thought I was the Sexiest Man Alive. Are there others?
And I don’t understand the comments at all…or Jeff in a skirt…
I feel a little dirty after reading this, to be honest.
Jason A Clark’s last blog post..CBS Announces Show Return Dates
February 13th, 2008 at 6:26 pm
Comprehension is not a requirement for sexiness… thank goodness for most of us.
And I’m not sure what your wife has been telling you, but uh, while you are one nice prime cut of meat - there are still countless men that are sexier than you are.
Now, that was a dirty comment!
February 24th, 2008 at 8:23 am
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