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The Return of ThinkBox P.I.
By Jeff | August 15, 2008
The Case of the Screwy Umpire
- ThinkBox P.I. Investigates
- Assignment: Four Year Old T-ball League
- Case ID: Umpire Conspiracy
- Case Closed
ThinkBox P.I. is back on the case again as I return to blogging. This time to investigate allegations of foul play by my son’s t-ball umpire. Apparently, there is some rule that states after hitting the ball off the tee the player must drop the bat in the circle that surrounds the home plate area. Yeah, it sounds fishy to me too. Well, last game, one of the players on the Lubbock Orioles hit the ball with such blazing speed that it went through the legs of several of the opposing four year olds and trickled into the outfield. Okay, maybe it’s not that hard to hit a ball past a four year old, but still.. stick with me here. It was a surefire homerun in T-ball standards but as the player was rounding second and heading to third (all the while passing a slower teammate) confusion broke loose as the base runners were sent back to their bases (bases were loaded) and the batter was sent to the dugout as an out.
What’s going on out here!
The homeplate umpire had called the batter out for throwing his bat and it landing outside of the designated circle. Immediately conspiracy theorist united in protest and mothers and fathers put on their confused angry faces. It was pandemonium I tell you. Chaos to the tenth degree. Well, that may have been a slight exaggeration. Everyone pretty much stayed glued to their foldable chairs. But that’s a boring story. Creative liberty is underused sometimes.
Anyway, after that spectacle I decided to go under cover at the next game. Let’s watch closely to see if some unfair prejudice exists for our little T-ball team of four year olds. Seems like another case of the man holding the little people down… uh, literally. So to the embarrassment of my wife - not sure what all that was about - I arrived at the T-ball game in my disguise and proceeded to watch the game.
Innings went by and nothing seemed out of the ordinary. The Orioles batted and played defense and everything was smooth. I decided to take a closer look.
Ah hah! There goes another out call due to a “thrown” bat. It’s time to go into stealth mode for proper surveillance. The player did throw the bat though so I couldn’t bust the umpire at that point. I decided to hide for a bit.
Everything appeared to be on the up and up. I’m being to think that there is no conspiracy to speak of. I knew that surely I wasn’t spotted, although a wandering player did happen to pass by me but I’m not sure if he saw me.
Well, maybe we did throw the bat and it landed out of the circle. My disguise and hiding spot were impeccable so any thoughts of a conspiracy turned out to be more delusional than anything else. However, I did have to cut my investigation a tad short. I heard rumors that women were trying to contact Chris Hansen of NBC’s “To Catch a Predator”. I couldn’t have my cover blown by some other investigator so I put my candy that I was offering the children back in my pocket and headed out.
The good news is that if anything does happen to me. My son is ready and willing to take my place. He is getting prepared to take over the family business. He already has the perfect mustache gene. Yes, my son… the ’stache is strong in you my young padawan.
Topics: investigation spoofs, parody, spoofs, thinkbox pi investigates |
August 15th, 2008 at 11:10 am
“…not sure if he saw me.”
ROTFL
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August 15th, 2008 at 11:23 am